The three parts of your preparation
The Catechism lists the acts of the penitent: contrition, confession, satisfaction (CCC 1450–1460). What you can do beforehand comes to three things.
1. Examination of conscience
Go through the time since your last confession. Not day by day, but area by area: God, the people around you, yourself. An ordered set of questions helps to remember what has slipped away.
Whoever prays the Daily Examen regularly has already done most of this work – and usually sees more clearly, because he knows his own repetitions.
2. Contrition
Contrition is not a feeling you have to produce. It is a judgement of the will: that was wrong, I am sorry, I do not want it any more.
The Catechism distinguishes two forms (CCC 1451–1453). Perfect contrition arises from the love of God. Imperfect contrition arises from seeing the ugliness of sin or from fear of punishment. Both suffice for the sacrament. So whoever feels only sober clarity and no emotion is not worse off.
3. Resolution
One resolution, not six. Concrete enough that in four weeks you can say whether you are still at it. "Be humbler" cannot be checked; "do not interrupt my wife" can.
And: a resolution that fails does not retroactively invalidate the confession. It belongs to contrition, not to a performance review.
The steps
- You arrive. Confessional or reconciliation room, face to face or behind the screen – both exist, and where both are offered you may choose.
- Sign of the cross. "In the name of the Father, and of the Son, and of the Holy Spirit. Amen."
- Opening. "Bless me, Father, for I have sinned. It has been … since my last confession."
- Confession. You name what you want to name. Calmly, without embroidery.
- A word from the priest. He responds, perhaps asks something, gives counsel.
- Penance. He gives you a prayer or a work.
- Act of contrition. You say it – in your own words or using one of the texts below.
- Absolution. "I absolve you from your sins in the name of the Father, and of the Son, and of the Holy Spirit." You answer: "Amen."
- Dismissal. Usually: "Go in peace."
An act of contrition
If no words of your own come, one of these is enough. None of them has to be known by heart; you may read it.
O my God, I am heartily sorry for having offended you, and I detest all my sins because of your just punishments, but most of all because they offend you, my God, who are all good and deserving of all my love. I firmly resolve, with the help of your grace, to sin no more and to avoid the near occasions of sin. Amen.
Shorter:
Lord Jesus Christ, Son of God, have mercy on me, a sinner.
Or plainly, in your own words: I am sorry. I want to begin again. Help me.
If it has been a long time
That is the most common case and the simplest. Three practical things:
- Arrange an appointment rather than squeezing into the twenty minutes before Sunday Mass. Ring the parish office or speak to the priest after Mass.
- Say first that it has been a long time. Then the person opposite knows where to begin.
- Do not go with a complete inventory. Bring what actually weighs on you. Everything else may surface in conversation or wait until next time.
If remembering is hard: start with what has not let go of you for years. That is precisely what the sacrament is for.
When the preparation will not end
There is a point where thorough turns into tormenting: the examination grows longer, keeps finding new details, never properly ends, and afterwards there is no peace but fear. That is scrupulosity, not care.
What helps: set a fixed time and stop when it is up. Accept the absolution even when the feeling lags behind. And talk about it – with your confessor or a spiritual director. Ignatius wrote rules for exactly this case (Spiritual Exercises 345–351); his counsel is not to give in to the scruple.